The practice has been more frequent this school year. The dismissal bell rings, I open the door to release the diverse group of 9th-graders, bidding them cordial parting graces–”get your grades up”, “don’t lose your book”, “eat your vegetables”, smiles, & dap. I spend the next six minutes greeting other current & former students & passing faculty members, checking my watch, & shouting updates in 30-second intervals. (My watch is nearly always synchronized with the bell.)
The bell to initiate my planning period rings &, like a burglar of precious time, my eyes sweep the clear hallway, I lock the door, & escape into my empty room. Pushing a desk into the obscure corner of my classroom, I shed this persona I’ve devised to work here. I don’t remember exactly whom it was that wrote of the persona in the way that I’ve come to understand–it may have been Gary Zukav in “Seat of the Soul”. Anyway, this definition suggested that our soul is layered & multifaceted with many personae. We outfit our soul to survive & flourish in different sectors of our temporal self. For instance, I have a persona that will be comfortable at a pool hall at 1:30 on Saturday night. That persona would not suit Mr. Rich at 7:00 on Wednesday morning, when my comfort is not as important as who I need to be for these kids. So, I’ve outfitted a very different persona to meet the demands of this job. It used to bug the hell outta me that I would behave differently in different social settings. Understanding the persona, however, has helped me to understand that, just like animals adapting to different environments, I’m an intelligent creature surviving in different social climates. It’s okay.
So, I’ll sit here in the corner, half the lights off. Often I’ll hear the loose rattle of the aged door; someone has come a-callin’ & found the room seemingly empty, virtually empty. This persona is thin lately. I must admit that my best foot isn’t always forward when it comes to the practical, collegial demands of this job. Then, I must redeem myself in admitting that I rarely, if ever, shed this persona in front of my students. To many, I am their only rock, their ambassador, their safety, their reassurance that the world isn’t entirely against them. It’s the most important part of my job &, though of late I’ve had to dig deep for resources, I always have skin enough to be there for them.
And, with that, I’ve squandered my planning period.
I have a feeling that you’re right in that you are important in your students lives, Paul, and I bet you’re one of those teachers that leads some idealistic teens to traverse into the profession of teaching as well. It’s funny to have known you when we were children, lost contact for a couple decades (Decades! That doesn’t make me feel young.), and now to get a glimpse at what you’ve become/are becoming. You’re a very talented writer! Makes me wonder what’s gone on w/ you for the last 20 years to lead you to this point, but I’m grateful to catch that sliver of insight now.